Well, I was going to write about the adventures of Crazy, Guava and Sponge in London but I couldn't do it justice like Crazy did. So if you wanna know what happened to me in London, please click on the link below.

http://crazyschronicles.blogspot.com/2007/09/well-it-looks-as-though-i-left-off-on.html

With a very very very heavy heart I bid goodbye to Israel.

What a lovely 5 weeks I've had. All my life I had so many illusions about Israel...not a country I wanted to visit. I have collected so many beautiful memories of so many beautiful places and lovely people with open hearts and not such "jewish" habits!

Highlights of my trip:

Watching the sunset over the desert and the color of the red Jordan mountains.
Camping out on the beach on the shores of the Red Sea
Getting swept off my feet in the Dead Sea
Visiting Golan Heights and seeing the beauty of nature destroyed by war
Attending a typical Jewish wedding


Weird things that only happen in Israel:

Watch out for freshly shaven men on a local bus....most likely they are suicide bombers
Have your bags checked at the entrance of every mall, every restaurant, every public area
Be asked if you are carrying a weapon as you enter a movie theatre
See kids walking around with M16's on a beach

Funniest phrase I learned in Israel:

Instead of saying I don't give a damn...you say, "It doesn't even interest my left ball"

What a lovely experience I had. The lovely evenings spent with Eran on the terrace talking about god only knows what but seems like the two of us never run out of stuff to talk about. The walks on the beach, the fights, the making up, the love...so much unconditional love! The time spent meditating together, the weird experiences that Eran helped me through. I can't believe he still loves after seeing me go through some of the insane stuff that I went through. I cannot imagine loving someone so much and so unconditionally. So I spent 5 weeks with him...but no conditions on what happens in the future. Lovely to not want to cage the other and keep them for yourself. Because he doesn't try to cage me, I want to be in his life...because I choose to....and vice versa! We are going to meet again in Goa in a couple of months. Looks like Goa might become home for a while. Not too shabby...get a little cottage right on the beach...meditate, do yoga, read, chill out! Not a bad life! There has been a little talk of starting an orphanage in Goa but who knows. I am just flowing at the moment.

Next stop....LONDON! Can't wait to meet my beautiful gals in London. Party time begins tonite. A week in London and then let's see....choices are Paris or India! I'll keep you posted!

Lots of love and kisses

Med sea to Dead sea to Red Sea




After a lovely breakfast with Nir and Dana (Eran's lovely friends) we left our apartment on the banks of med(iterranean) sea enroute to Dead sea. Dead sea is so crazy. It is lower than sea level -400 meters. How strange is that. Also, it is the saltiest sea in the world. So, we arrived at the there at around 6 pm. Spent the evening hanging out with one of Eran's friends house in a quibbutz by the sea. The night, we spent on a cliff looking down at the Dead sea. It was beautiful. We set up our tent, got the firing going. Eran's friend gave us a bottle of wine which we thoroughly enjoyed. It was a beautiful evening...one I will remember forever as one of the strangest places I slept in. Oh did I tell you, we were a stone's throw away from an army base? Well, it's really hard to find a secluded spot in Israel coz you can be pretty sure that the army found it as well.



Next morning, we went to a spa on the shores of the Dead Sea. I walked into the sea and it bloody swept me off my feet....literally. It's so salty that it is almost impossible to stand in it. The water is so dense that it kicks you off your feet and makes you float. And the water feels like oil ...very disgusting. But it's really good for the skin so I hung in there. After the sea, we took a mud bath and then to sulfur springs. By the end of it all, my skin was very soft, smooth and glowing. After the relaxing afternoon, we started our journey to the Red Sea.

















2 hours later, through the dry, barren, beautiful desert, we arrived in Eilat on the banks of Red Sea. The city is like Vegas, with big hotels, and very touristy. I wanted to spend a night on the beach as I had never slept on the beach. So, Eran was kind enough to oblige and after spending a lovely evening exploring the city, we pitched a tent on the beach. It was yet another beautiful night, sleeping under the stars, with waves crashing literally a few feet away from you. Woke up the sun and had a lovely early morning swim in the Red Sea. Spent some time just hanging out, meditating, on the beach and then headed off to the Sheraton hotel. This is where we were going to spend the next night. It's nice to clean up in a nice hotel after living like vagabonds for a couple of days. The hotel was really beautiful...Vegas style...huge, with 5 swimming pools, lots of bars minus the casinos ofcourse.



The next day, we drove through the desert, checked out the beduoin villages along the way and ended up at the Desert Ashram. There is a lovely Osho ashram in the middle of the desert, surrounded on three sides by firing zones. Firing zones are areas that are used by the army for target practice. It was the most surreal thing to see. We decided to stay a night in the ashram. This ashram is more like a commune that Osho had envisioned. About 20 people, all in their mid thirties, live in this ashram as one big family. They have one kitchen and dining hall where they take turns cooking. They have meditations during the day and also invite therapists to hold groups every so often. We were lucky enough to arrive there on a friday, which is the Sabbath friday. They prepared a special meal and before the meal, there was singing. People brought their guitars, sitars, drums and sang songs of peace and love...all the time surrounded by firing zones. Fuckin' crazy! I love these people...they are tired of all the war and shit and have created their own little piece of heaven.

So, we are back in Tel Aviv now. The sun is about to set so it will get cool enough to go for a run. I've been running along the beach any chance I get. It's really quite nice in the evening. I feel really at home here. Life is very simple and enriching. I love Eran and cherish every minute I spend with him. We have a lot of fun together. The funniest is our fights...when I am really angry at him, I yell at him in hindi and he yells back at me in Hebrew. We get all the shit out and it always makes us laugh. I love to meditate with him, I love our talks, our walks, our shooting the shit, our differences, our similarities. I still have another 3 weeks to spend with him. After that...who the hell knows !!!!

The Big Fat Jewish Wedding


Me and Eran got up early on thursday and started our long journey (2 hours) to Eran's parent's house in the North. Apparently 2 hours is considered a very long drive according to Israeli standards. I understand that now having travelled from the northern most point to the southern most tip of Israel. It takes 6 hours to go across the country. Considering what a small country Israel is, it is very geographically diverse and it is surrounded on all sides by, putting it lightly, not so friendly neighbours. Jordan runs alongside pretty much the entire length of Israel, and in the north are the lovely Lebanese and Syrian neighbours. In the south, Israel shares its border with chums like Egypt and Saudi Arabia is just a stone's throw away.

So, we drove to Golan Heights where Eran is from. His parents live in a Mushaf...it is like a Quibbutz but a bit more modern idea and works a bit better. For those of you who don't know what a quibbutz is, here's a short lesson. A bunch of people live together in a little community where they all work together and all the money goes to the joint fund in the quibbutz. Then the joint fund divides the money equally among the members living in the community. Kids don't live with their parents but are raised in a communal nursery. The idea was nice but didn't work. So, in a Mushaf people live together in a community, and all do their own work and earn their own money. But they live like a big tight-knit family.

Needless to say I was a bit scared to go to his hometown...coz the whole bloody community (about 80 families) is his family. But the fear was completely baseless as they welcomed me with open arms. His dad especially is a beautiful person with a very warm heart. He made me feel really welcome...making delicious treats for us to eat. Very warm and loving family. I met his brothers and other friends. The day after we arrived there was his brother's wedding. What a gorgeous setting. If, under the influence of drugs or under a fit of insanity, I ever decide to get married again, I would like to do it the way they did it. The setting was a lovely rustic restaurant on the edge of a cliff overlooking a beautiful valley and Golan heights. They had cushions on the floor for seating with low tables. There were hammocks everywhere, a live band playing some beautiful hebrew and arabic tunes.

The ceremony itself lasted for maybe 10 minutes and was beautiful. After the ceremony, we all ate and the dancing began around 4 pm. Then we danced with the older people until around 6 pm and the real partying started after the oldies left. Great music, lots of booze and the green stuff, and pretty soon it was looking like a trance party in Goa. We danced till about 1 in the morning and then everyone just passed out outside. Next morning there was a lovely breakfast and the usual funny drunken stories from the night before. Very fun! It was one big stress free wedding party.

After the party split, Eran took me for a little sightseeing tour. Beautiful Golan heights....miles and miles of beautiful barren land with the highest concentration of mine fields per square meter in the world. All the sights he showed me had a war story behind it. We drove to Mt. Hermon which is the highest point in Israel. There are checkpoints all over the place as this is close to the border with Syria and Lebanon. At the top of the mountain there was an army bunker. It's really surreal to see that. In Canada you go to a top of the mountain, you see a lighthouse welcoming the ships to the harbour. Here you go to the top and there is an army bunker. Shootout points that look directly into Syria. Underground hiding places for war times. Very sad. Eran said that seeing these places through my eyes has given him a completely different perspective. He was shocked at how many war stories he told me and made him realize that growing up how much of the dinner table conversation was about war!

The next day, he took me to see his dad's farms. Avocado, grapefruit, pomegranate and my favorite mango trees. We went on an ATV, which Eran drives like a maniac. It's nice to see this side of the calm, meditative Eran. He can be quite a rough, tough farm boy. Very nice ;) I like! We picked mangoes off the trees, got covered by mango juice, delicious, delicious, delicious!

Got back home to Tel Aviv for a day to do our laundry before setting off to the south of Israel.

Happy Birthday to me :)

Thanks a lot for the lovely wishes from all of you lovely people. It was so wonderful to open my email account and have it flooded with love from you all. I feel very loved...both on hotmail and facebook :) So, here is my story now...

I arrived in Italy in the most roundabout way as possible. 5 countries and 24 hours later, I arrived in Florence to find myself in a rainy and cold night. Needless to say I was more than a little disappointed coz the optimist in me hadn't even allowed me to pack a fleece thinking Italy in august had to be hot! The taxi driver took me to the ashram and showed me my residence....a nice little tent that I was to share with another girl. It was windy, rainy, cold, and pitch dark. He put my suitcase in the tent, gave me a hug and off he went. I was left feeling real sorry for myself...with questions like "what the fuck am I doing here","why did I leave the luxury of a warm bed", "why can't I be normal and live like normal people" and blah blah blah. I even called Eran to tell him that I might just come to Israel earlier than I had planned coz I didn't like Italy. That feeling lasted for...oh, 1 day. I had the best time of my life after the initial panic. I joined a group which was beautiful...dancing, a lot of meditation, a lot of love. Every evening was some sort of a party and there were some really beautiful people from all over Europe. We had beautiful concerts by Prem Joshua and some new band from Chile. There was a lot of dancing and I even met a beautiful Italian man. He took me on his motorcycle to the lovely city of Sienna. It was the most beautiful drive ever, through the rolling hills of Tuscany. Everywhere you looked, you could see vineyards, castles, quaint little Italian villages. Thanks Gabrielle for showing me such a good time. I will remember the Toscana sunset for ever!

Saying goodbye to the ashram was as usual very hard. It felt like I was leaving home, my family. But, I go back in June again so it's all good and plus I was really looking forward to seeing beautiful Eran. I arrived in Tel Aviv at 4 am local time. I was surprised to see a very modern airport and not too much security. I was expecting army people with machine guns everywhere...but it was relatively normal. Eran was there waiting for me. It was lovely to see him again...such a beautiful man he is!!! We spent the night at his brother's apartment. Next morning, we decided to go to Jerusalem. So I spent my 34th birthday in the holy city of Jerusalem. Tel Aviv is beautiful from what I've seen so far...kind of a mix of Rio and New York. The beaches are beautiful and the night life is an all night affair. We've rented an apartment right in the middle of the city, 5 mins from the beach and 5 mins from the East Village kind of ambience. It's a studio apartment but has a large terrace overlooking the sea.

Jerusalem was interesting....far from what I'd expected. Such a strange mix of old and new. Not just old...5000 years old!! You enter the old city and it's like going back in the past. People live like they did 5000 years ago. People wear black and are obviously very religious. I went to visit the place that is the root cause of all the wars in the western world right now...THE WALL!!! That's all it is really ....a mere wall called the "Cotel" where all the orthodox Jews come to pray. Just behind the wall is the Muslim mosque and the most sacred place for Muslims coz they believe that Mohammad rose to heaven from there. So, now they pray right next to each other, hating each other. The hatred and tension between these two cultures is palpable in this area. There is so much fuel and anger and hatred that a tiny little spark can just cause everything to go up in flames any minute!

You step out of the old city and you are right in the middle of a modern 21st century fun-loving city. There are streets lined with bars, cafes, night clubs. There is no particular closing time for these bars...i heard it starts to wind down as the sun comes up. Me and Eran had a great time, sipping on some Israeli wine, chatting and catching up in one of the lovely wine bars in the area. After spending 3 days in Jerusalem, we've arrived in Tel Aviv today. I am going out with a lovely Israeli friend I met in Italy. Looking forward to seeing her again.

So far I am really surprised at the Israel I've seen. People are really friendly, welcoming and fun-loving. Thank God I met Eran or I would've missed out on visiting such a beautiful and rich country.

And let the next adventure begin…..


The time has come to bid farewell to the beautiful city of Vancouver. I arrived here, with much reservations, on July 3rd. I had very good reasons to be a little hesitant about coming to Vancouver. The city had been the source of a lot of pain and heartache over the last 7 years. I felt like I was ready to take my new tools that I had learned for a test drive.

The second day of being in the city, I ran into the first reason I didn’t wanna come to Vancouver…Rick! I thought I had dealt with all the issues relating to him but it was important to see how it would feel to see him again. I saw him at Whiterock and we waved at each other. It was the wave that one gives to an acquaintance that one used to know a long time ago but have no interest in stopping to chat with. The first battle was won!

Second battle was going to my apartment downtown. There were so many memories of Ashley everywhere downtown that I thought it would be hard and painful to revisit those places. After the initial sadness that didn’t linger for more than a day or so, I was quiet happy to rediscover Vancouver.

And rediscover Vancouver I did! I lived with my parents for the entire month without any major disagreements. It was not something I was looking forward to as I hadn’t lived with them since I was 21 years old. Not just that, I wasn’t sure how they would react to the new me. It took them sometime to digest the fact that I was genuinely happy being on my own and traveling. They had prepared themselves to come as saviors to protect their little girl from the evil world. They could not fathom how it was possible for me to be so happy. So, after the initial denial, they started asking me questions about what makes me the way I am. They showed genuine interest and who knows maybe I’ve influenced them enough that they might just pay their little girl a visit in the maroon world J

Besides that, I’ve enjoyed Vancouver this time more than I ever had. It is truly one of the most beautiful cities I’ve even visited. I reconnected with people I hadn’t been in touch with for ages, I partied at the “golden triangle” with Shannon and Harp, I went sailing with Rosemary and the gang, I watched the fireworks from my favorite patio in the city at Lsquared, I had a drunken fest at my apartment downtown, but most importantly, I fell in love with my favorite massage therapist all over again. Thanks Glenn for making my trip so memorable and for making our time together so magical. I really look forward to seeing you soon in India.

After being nourished to the max by all the love that has been showered over me by all of you guys, I feel like I’m ready again to face the unknown world. My next adventure kicks off in Italy. I am going back to the ashram in Italy for 10 days for the annual Miasto festival. It’s going to be one big party and there’s apparently going to be thousands of people from all over Europe coming to this thing. I am really looking forward to being in the ashram energy again. I did meditate while at home everyday, but the collective meditation takes you to a whole different energy level. Then from Italy, I head on over to meet my beautiful Eran. Eran has been insisting that I spend my birthday with him this year and has invited me to his brother’s wedding. If anyone had asked me last year where I would be on my next birthday, I don’t think that Israel would’ve been my answer in my wildest dreams. But now I am going to turn 34 in Israel and I’m going to attend a traditional jewish wedding in a little Israeli village! From Israel, I will be heading off to London to meet my lovely darlings from my South American dream vacation…Crazy, Spongy, Maharani and Kirsty….all in London together again!

So again, thank you everyone for making my time in Vancouver so memorable. You all have given me so many more reasons to call this city home.

Guess who is back in VanCity. Yes, after having fallen off the face of the earth for the month of June, I decided to drop by and say hey. I was in Tuscany, Italy for a month in a little village with one computer for internet access. Even that computer was very moody and lethargic. So after going through some withdrawal for the first week, I actually quite enjoyed not having any connection to the outside world. The experience in Italy was fantastic.

From Italy, I took a flight to London. It was like going from heaven to hell. In the last month I had no idea what was happening in the outside world...no news, no contact...nothing. And then I land in London amidst all the terror alerts, trains shut down due to somebody committing suicide by jumping on the track, blah blah blah. I arrived in rainy London at 11 pm. Because of the above mentioned suicide attempt on the Heathrow express line, I had to take the tube to Central London. It was quite amazing to watch the people on the tube. After having spent so many months in India where strangers look at you, make eye contact, smile, hey...even talk to you, it was really funny to see how frozen these people were. Everyone had a book, ipod, sudoku, something to keep them busy and keep them avoiding other people on the train. Anyway, after half an hour on the train, I arrived at the hotel in Knightsbridge where I was supposed to hook up with my brother and sis-in-law. Spent the evening chatting and catching up with the familia. Next morning I ventured out to see what Londoners do on a Tuesday morning. Sat at a coffee shop and yet again the only interest I got was from men interested in my boobs and kids. Kids, I liked, and men staring at my boobs, not so much. Anyway, I would've enjoyed spending more time in London, but guess it'll have to wait until Sept.

Now, I am back in Vancouver for a couple of weeks. It's very strange...almost feels like I never left, even though I was gone for 9 months and one week...long enough to have that illegitimate baby I was pregnant with. Yeah, backpacking was just a ruse to get away and give birth to the illegitimate baby of mine :) Anyway, would love to hang out with those who remember me, those who are interested in seeing me, those who wanna see what changes transformed Ria into Ritika. So, my phone works and the number is 604-339-7474. Give me a shout!

Prego! MamaMia! Cappuccino! The land of Gelato...that's where I am now.

No more cows, no more shit, no more bumpy roads that make your bones and your teeth rattle, no more garbage that smells so intense that you can literally taste it, no more signs advertising yoga, reiki, meditation. I arrived in Frankfurt and was to meet my lovely friend Evi there. I got out of the plane and was amazed at the cleanliness of the airport. I found myself a little corner and just stood there watching people. It was amazing how people were running. I couldn't understand what the rush was. They were all scrambling around trying to make there way past each other as if there was a prize for the first one out the door. Anyway, Evi picked me up and took me to the center of the town for some breakfast. It's a beautiful city, very old buildings surrounded by tall, modern skyscrapers. I sat there in the cafe, called Central Park, right next to Starbucks and all of the major American big brand name stores, watching people. Gorgeous people in their beautiful clothes, designer jeans, designer jackets, out with their babies in strollers. I had a weird feeling something was not right, something was missing. Then I realized that these people don't look at you. There's no eye contact...everyone walks around with their eyes glazed over, almost hypnotized, and to me they all looked the same. All the roads were beautiful, cars were modern but I missed the chaos of India. I missed the cows, I missed the smells, I missed the real life. This was all too perfect, too plastic, too much like a video game. I might as well have been invisible, coz they looked right through me. The only person that made eye contact was a baby in a stroller sitting next to our table. I had a terrible feeling in my heart that I would never fit into this society again. I told Evi about my fear and how I was feeling and she said that she feels the same.

Said goodbye to Evi and headed out to Florence. Italy is a lovely mix of the east and the west. I love the fact that the streets are clean but the people are real. They look at you, make eye contact, smile...and sometimes even whistle and wink at you :) They are loud, musical, obnoxious and I love them. The city is beautiful, old old architecture. Lots of noise, chaos, church bells going off every 15 mins. I will be here another day and then off to the woods in Tuscany. Osho awaits and I am going there to do a course that is extremely intense. I am a bit scared...actually I am shitting bricks scared but I know that I can't run from it anymore. I have to face these demons that have been haunting me lately. I am sure it'll also be fun. There's gonna be ppl from over 20 countries there, hotsprings, nude beaches. Sounds like my kinda place. Really looking forward to it.

So, before leaving India, said a tearful goodbye to my lovely Eran. Eran, you have raised the bar for the kind of guy I would allow in my life now. Too high. I would never settle for anything less and I dont know if there are any guys I would gel as perfectly with as I did with you. You have really spoiled me for any other guy out there. Oh well, if I dont find anyone like you, then I know what I need to do. I'll be flying to Israel and digging my claws into you in true cougar fashion and keeping you captive, just for moi, in my golden palace. U up for it? Miss you loads.

Real India travelling....



Can I say how happy I am to be out of Nepal...finally!!!! Kathmandu tried real hard not to let us go but we fought a tough battle and made our way out...and that too in style! To make a long story short, we arrived at the airport in Kathmandu to take our flight and were informed that there were not enough people on the flight so they decided to cancel it. We were promptly informed that all the other flights to Delhi that day were already overbooked so we were shit out of luck. No refund either...for that we had to go to the agency that sold us the ticket. Anyway, we got our refund, we got tickets...only first class was available for $30 extra and met a lovely guy who kept us laughing the whole time at the airport, and two days later, we bid farewell to Nepal and made our way to Delhi.



Delhi hotel was beautiful...I was so happy to be in a clean, luxurious hotel that I was jumping for joy....literally. Here's the aftermath



Met up with Aneesha, a fellow mystic roser who lives in Delhi. She was a gracious hostess and took us around Delhi in her chauffeur driven car, had her servants do our laundry, took us to a real hard to get into bar in Delhi. All in all a lovely couple of days spent in Delhi even though the bar we went to brought back horrific memories from the "golden triangle" of Vancouver. For those of you who don't know the golden triangle, it's the triangle in yaletown comprising of cactus club, opus and bar none. You know the kind of bars where people go to be seen and forget to remove the sticks out of their asses. Wow! The kind of people I saw in this bar in Delhi....their asses must have been real big to accomodate such fat sticks. Now I know more than ever that I am definitely over that kind of game playing. The music was good, the food was good and the company was fantastic so we ended up having a great time. Hey, I even got picked up...by Eran! It was quite funny...we both pretended to be meeting at the bar for the first time and really stayed in character for most of the night. It was fun playing a dumb bimbo....maybe a bit too much fun....hmm...makes me think if I am not one deep down.

We rented a car with a driver from Delhi and drove to Manali. A couple of days of driving through the parts of India where not too many tourists go. We ate in places on the way where people were gawking at us with their mouths open. They just couldn't figure out what an Indian girl was doing with this foreigner guy. It was quite funny when some people just couldn't contain it and came up to me and asked me what kind of a relationship I had with this guy. It was too hillarious. It happened to me also at the Kathmandu airport when I was talking to this English guy and a Nepali guy sitting next to us asked me what relationship I had with this guy. I told him he was my husband and that we had met on the flight to Kathmandu. Alex, the english guy, piped in and said it was love at first flight. LOL! The poor nepali guy was so confused and just when he thought he'd understood me, Eran showed up. So now there were two men and he asked me what relationship I had with Eran. Eran said he was my husband and my slave. Poor guy...just couldn't take it anymore and got up and moved away from us. It was a good laugh.

It's really fun to go through India with Eran. He sees things that I,being Indian,just take for granted. For example, we were at a restaurant in a little town in Punjab when a guy dressed as Shiva came to the door. I saw him but didn't even think twice about it. Eran looked at me perplexed and asked me if it was Halloween. I laughed so hard that I had coke coming out of my nose. It's common for people to dress up as Shiva on Fridays and go and beg for money. I know it sounds ridiculous and I love seeing it through Eran's eyes. We spent four days in Manali, chilling out, relaxing, meditating, recuperating from our cough and cold, laughing at all the honeymooning couples, having people scratch their heads trying to figure out me and Eran. Now we are taking the overnight bus to Dharamsala. Dharamsala is the land of Dalai Lama. We'll be visiting a couple of monasteries there and staying at the Osho center. After that, we fly to Leh, the highest city in the Himalayas. Until then....

Goodbye Nepal, Namaste India all over again...

Said our goodbye to Arun, tatoo boy, and now it' s just me and Eran making our way to the Himalayas in India. Should be fun...I like how chilled travelling is with him. We have a lot of fun together and since he's so young, he can keep up with me. LOL! I did tire out both the boys when we went trekking last week. We completed our circuit which was supposed to take 5 days, in 3 days. It was a lot of fun, going thru little villages and seeing how people live in such primitive places. It reminded me a lot of the Inca trail going up to Machu Picchu. Other than the trek, we just chilled out in this little place called Pokhara. It's a little touristy town in the foothills of Annapurana range. It's on the bank of this beautiful lake, very chilled out. Nice bars and restaurants. I can't believe how cheap Nepal is. In the month that I've been here, I've spent about $700 and I have done everything I wanted to do here. Sure, I've not been staying at 5 star hotels but the hostels we've been staying at were cozy, clean, with beautiful views and less than $10/ night. 5 star hotels I'll leave for Delhi. Yes, tomorrow me and Eran are off to Delhi and we'll be pampering ourselves in a 5 star hotel. I think my hair needs to be colored and cut...at the moment it's 4 different shades as Arun very kindly pointed out. Starting with grey at the roots, then blonde, then a bit reddish brown followed by dark brown. Not very flattering! I can't remember the last time I had a hair cut or a pedicure. Sometimes I forget that I'm a woman. But when I came back from my trek, I took a long shower, groomed myself well, put on some make up and girlie clothes (skirt and a nice top) and the guys were so shocked. They hadn't seen me like this in a long time. I pretty much live in my lululemons all the time. Thank God for lululemon. Girls, you should never go backpacking without them....they are lightweight, quick drying, sexy, and oh so comfy. Yes, the tops can be a bit too cleavagey for places like India and Nepal...but scarfs around your neck seem to work well. If not, then maybe just travel with a couple of dudes and you are safe :)

So, my new plans for Canada...here they are. I don't think I can change them any longer as my very patient dad informed me the other day. I will be leaving lovely India for Italy on June 2nd. I will be in Italy for a month and board my plane for Vancouver on July 3rd. Looks like there is a rendezvous with Spongy brewing some time in Aug. Costa Rica....watch out!!!! Should be fun, can't wait to see Sponge Bob again. Would be fun chilling out on the beaches, checking out some surfer dudes for a couple of weeks. After that, back to Europa for some more drifting, travelling, soul searching, ashram hopping. Probably will go visit Eran in Israel for some time. We've been talking about renting a car and going across the country for as long as it takes. Shouldn't take more than a couple of days considering how small Israel is. Maybe I'll persuade him to cross the border into Palestine! Do you think a Jew would do that?!? Dunno, I guess I'll have to find out. Wow, I love my life! I finally feel like I can enjoy travelling. I enjoy every minute of it now. The whole time I travelled, I made time to meditate and that makes everything so much better. This is what I am gonna do for the next few years of my life...just go with the flow. See what existence has planned for me. There will be no "settling down"for me this lifetime. Sorry mum :(

In Nepal at the moment with Shrek and the Cat…obviously that makes me donkey!! That's what we are calling ourselves….Arun is Shrek, me donkey and Eran is the Cat. We left Pune on Friday the 13 th for Delhi. In Delhi, we treated ourselves to a five star hotel for one night. It was absolutely lovely to take a break from all the meditation and enjoy the luxuries this beautiful world has to offer. I even had a dirty martini…wow! It's amazing how much I have changed in the last two months. Two months is such a short time but it seems like I've been to the highest peaks and
the darkest depths of my soul in this time. Now, I am able to enjoy the little things in life so much more. So, we swam in the pool, we drank at the bar, we chatted, ate good food, watched tv (yes, after 2 months it was nice to watch some bollywood music).

In the morning, we took our flight to Nepal and continued our journey to the Osho ashram close to Kathmandu. This ashram is literally in the middle of a jungle in the mountains of Nepal.
When we got there, we were a bit shocked at the rusticness and the isolation of the place. Right away mind started to freak out and we didn't wanna stay there. But we decided to give the place a chance for a couple of days and ofcourse after the first day, we were in love with this place. There is a whole different energy in this place…maybe it's the mountains and the trees but my meditation got really intense here. All you need
to do is sit in one place, close your eyes and you are in meditation. WOW! Intense! Bit too intense. The deeper you go into meditation, the more stuff comes up that we have repressed. It's amazing though how in tune we three are to each other's energies. We practically can feel each other's emotions. The other day I was dancing during one of the meditations and I was really deep in meditation. Suddenly out of nowhere I felt this intense pain in my heart and I knew it wasn't mine. I opened my eyes and saw Arun crying. It was his pain and as weird as that sounds, its possible to get so in tune with someone's energy that you start to have the same thoughts. Eran and me can literally communicate with each other without using words. We've tested it several times where I have a thought and ask him the answer. A totally arbitrary thought and he puts his hand on my heart or my stomach and then
tells me what I am thinking. WOW! But, we have been to some very dark places in the past week and have really helped each other through the pain. I love them both and have to say that this relationship I have with them is the most meaningful relationship I've ever been in. There are absolutely no games, we are totally naked with each other. There is immense trust and love and so much laughter.

Today, we left the ashram and we're gonna go travel in Nepal for a couple of weeks. Looks like my plans for Canada might not materialize. I find myself totally enjoying this journey I'm on at the moment and don't feel the need to interrupt it. I am thinking of going to North India in the Himalayas and then to Tibet. Travelling has taken on a whole new quality now. I am on an inner journey as well as an outer journey and for the first time really in tune with my surroundings. Enjoying each moment as it comes, being total in it…crying when I am sad, laughing when I am happy,
dancing when I am blissful, enjoying each emotion! Life is precious and too short so I am not wasting any more time. I will let you know if I still end up coming to Canada. I would send some pics but the computers in Nepal are too slow.

Just call me Rose, Mystic Rose!

3 weeks of laughter, crying and unbelievable silence and it's all over now. Now we just sit back and let the rose bloom. They say it keeps blooming for months ....lets see what happens. In the meantime, its getting bloody hot in this city. So hot that you take a shower, and by the time you step out and dry yourself, you are wet again....with sweat!! It's horrible. I moved to my apartment today and now I am already thinking of leaving here and going to the Himalayas! Looks like me and Arun are going to Nepal. There is a beautiful Osho center there in the mountains. It would be nice to breathe fresh air, feel cold again. I don't know what it feels like to feel cold anymore. I've been in warm weather for almost all of the last 6 months. I've thoroughly enjoyed it but now its too hot. So off I go.

My day starts with the birds at 5:30 am. I meditate around 4 to 5 hours a day, an hour in the morning, an hour at noon, an hour before tea, and 2 hours in the evening. The rest of the day is spent dancing, swimming, reading, talking to friends, listening to birds and just enjoying each moment. What a life! I have started seeing changes in me but it's easy to live this lifestyle in this environment. I don't know how authentic my transformation is so I've decided to take myself for a test drive. And not just any test drive....this is the most scary race car track of life for me. I've decided to visit Vancouver again! Yikes! Every time I think of it, I get scared. So many painful memories there! I want to go visit and see how I am able to deal with the past. Also have to sign my divorce papers and deal with the rest of the shitty stuff that comes with divorce! But I am also looking forward to seeing my beautiful friends again. I want to enjoy the beauty of Vancouver because I don't think I ever really explored it before. So, I'll be arriving there on May 7th for 3 weeks. I'll be calling and bugging you to come out dancing with me when I get there. Looking forward to it. Love you all :)

Spongy, I hope this email wasn't too intense LOL! I love your emails, so funny. I am glad you've found more mossies to keep you company. I wish I could see your lovely alien forehead with the bulbous bites. So, off to see Steve...keep me posted about how things go with him. You know you could always come to visit me if things dont go well. Heck, I'd even go to South America with you to track down Jose! Love you spongy :)

David, so nice to hear from you. Now you know when I am coming to Vancouver. You're gonna have to take me to some trendy places in Vancouver. I'm so out of touch with trendiness. I walk around in my maroon robes with no makeup, hair all over the place...Lol! Do you think that look would get me in any of the bars on Granville? Looking forward to seeing you.

On a lovely starlit night, soft breeze flowing thorough my hair, surrounded with people from all parts of the world esp Israeli Jews, I watched Borat! Wow, what an experience that was! We had a great laugh all together at the stupid Americans. Infact, on the next variety show nite, one of the funniest guys I've ever met, also a jew, is gonna perform a skit as Borat! Can't wait....Wawawewa!!!!

After a week of incessant laughter which ended up leaving me in such a state of euphoria that at times I didn't want to be constrained by my body. I felt like I wanted to expand and share my joy with the entire existence. It was the highest high I've ever experienced in my life. My feet didn't touch the ground...I was literally flying. Imagine the endorphines level in your body after 3 hours of laughing a day for a week. No amount of drugs can reach that level.

Today I finished my week of crying. After crying over Rick, Ashley, my baby and everything else I could come up with I started to cry for no reason at all. It was like a dam burst inside me. No thought in my head....just my body was crying from all the years of repressed pain. After 3 hours of crying I felt so refreshed as if I had taken a dip in cold water on a hot sunny day. Now the week of crying is over and I am back in the state of euphoria. Tomorrow, we start silence and I am ready for it. A week of silence...sounds like bliss. But tonite we shall party!

Now a bit about my love life. Remember Anthony, the good looking, funny, english guy...well turns out I got bored of him. He sounds too much like my ex husband...too good on paper. I am definitely gonna be just "friends" with him. I've met this lovely guy in the ashram..a guy my parents would certainly disapprove of just based on his physical appearance. He's an ex skin head, covered in tatoos and piercings and used to be a bass player in a death metal band in Switzerland. Such a bad boy! But what makes him even more appealing is his spiritual side...he's such a buddha. He goes out and learns little words in hindi to say to me. Just last nite, he told me I was beautiful in Hindi. Its so funny coming out of his mouth coz he's such an unlikely hindi speaker. He used to be heavy into drugs, dark music and shit and now he does yoga to death metal. He says he loves Osho coz he allows him to be himself and still be spiritual. Well, lets see what happens after mystic rose. We are both doing it together and lets see where things go. I do have to say that I am in love with him today but my attention span these days is very short. It's because I have no desire to be with anyone so I don't really put in any effort. It's funny how when you don't want someone in your life, they come to you from all directions.


My long term plans....don't know as yet. I am renting an apartment in Pune for a year. Beautiful penthouse apartment, a block from the ashram, surrounded with trees and a beautiful terrace. Nice place to have parties! Might be going to Vancouver in May....but who knows. We shall see where life takes me.

Lemme start with a real funny joke Osho told yesterday: One day the pope is doing a crossword puzzle and he comes across a clue that stumps him. He asks his pastor, "do you know a four letter word used to describe a woman that ends in unt?" The pastor says "aunt". And the pope says, "yeah, that's it. can i please have an eraser?" LOL! Every evening we go to the meditation auditorium to listen to osho talks. Every profound message he talks about ends with a joke. He'll be talking about stuff like compassion, forgiveness etc etc and he always has the dirtiest sex joke to drive the point home. His whole idea is not to get too serious coz a lot of meditations tend to make life too serious. So, after every meditation, we have time for celebration. So, every joy, every experience you have felt in the silence of meditation, he asks you to express it in dance. Live life playfully and joyfully. Having said that I have to say that my emails can tend to have a seriousness to them esp. the last one. I wrote that one during one of my meditation highs and reading back today it seems quite hillarious. Very over the top and some could even say a bit conceited. I have to apologize coz that was not my intention at all. It's something that just came out of me spontaneusly. I don't mean to say that I've found the right way and the society is still living in misery. I love all of you guys and that's why I write these emails to share my joy with you. If you've been with me over the past two years of my life, you know I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I've been restless, I've been scared, I've been running around the world looking for happiness. The whole email was just about me. I think the last straw for me was in South America. I really absolutely hit rock bottom there. I'm sure Sponge, Jess, Crazy, Maharani and Brett can really vouch for that. I would wake up every morning and just as I came to consciousness, my tummy would start to knot up in anxiety. What was causing my anxiety? Worrying about the future...what's going to happen with my life? who am i going to marry? what am i going to do as far as work is concerned? why can't i want normal thing? so on and so forth. I was so scared to be alone that even when I got the opportunity to get a room by myself I absolutely refused. So scared I was of my loneliness. Every evening I would look forward to drinking alcohol to settle my anxiety, to not feel the knot in my stomach and the pain in my heart. Every single day I drank so I could go to sleep. I had hit my lowest low. I still had a good time visiting places, seeing new countries, meeting new people but it was at a very superficial level. On the inside I was always restless and the people I was close to could really see that. I am so glad for them and I will cherish their friendship forever. So, now I have come to this place and within a month I have begun to see so much transformation. My body doesn't need alcohol any more, I wake up to the sound of birds chirping with no anxiety, I don't worry about what's the purpose of my life, about whether I'd get married or not. To have such feelings of peace and contentment after such a long time in my life, I sometimes get overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness and then I write my emails to share my joy with the people I love. I believe marriage is a beautiful institution if you are with the right person and someday if I meet a person like that I would love to experience it again. But, it's not a necessity in my life now. I am not worried about it (like my parents are)! So, please I want you to not misinterpret my words and just see it for what they are....just an expresssion of my joy! Today was the first day of what Osho calls "the meditation that's going to revolutionize the world of meditation". It's called mystic rose and it's 3 weeks long. First week involves laughing 3 hours a day for a week, then 3 hours a day of crying for a week, followed by 3 hours of silent meditation a day for a week. Everyone I know who's done this meditation is completely transformed. They say it cleans out the emotional garbage that we've been carrying for many many lives. After the detoxification, we can go really deep in silence. SO, today was the first day and I laughed for 3 hours. What a great meditation...grown people acting like little kids. We laughed and laughed and laughed until our tummy's hurt and there were tears in our eyes. I can still feel it bubbling inside me. I have to thank my lovely friends for giving me food for laughter. Picturing Spongy doing her sponge bob dancing on the booze cruise, crazy baring her ass and being rescued by the cute boy on the boat, maharani saying "bicks baporub", our lovely "ode to jose" that me and sponge wrote, jessica dancing to grease lightning in cusco, jess and sponge falling on the dance floor, ashley's joke about bees being like suicide bombers, or the one about pope wearing prada. Lol! I'm so lucky to have such amazing memories to bring laughter in my life. I would love it if I could get more material in this week. Jokes, funnies, anything is welcome. I'll send my laughing energy your way if you send me some material. Don't worry, I won't be writing another email during my crying week. LOL! Anyway, I just want you all to know how much I love you and even though I don't get responses from all of you, I know you are happy for me. You've all been there for me during my sad days and I want you to share in my joy as well. Lots of love, hugs, kisses and laughter, Ritika Ria. PS: Ritika Ria is my new name which means flowing laughter. They say your name can manifest itself in your personality if you meditate on it. I want nothing more but to laugh away the rest of my life. No more tears .....please!

I am still flying high and loving every minute of what I now know life is all about. Finally, I am totally and utterly free. I am soooooo lucky, so blessed that God gave me so much. I think every good deed that I’ve ever done in my life has paid off for now I have found this beautiful place. To have financial freedom, to have freedom from society, from work and finally to have freedom from the fear of loneliness. This is the best space I’ve ever been in my entire life. I have so much trust in existence now that I am just going with the flow and I know, without a doubt, that wherever I end up is going to be beautiful. Sorry mom for asking you to back off a little bit. I don’t want a safety net. Until there’s fear in me, I won’t venture out and will never know how high I can fly. I want to be absolutely free to continue this amazing journey, without any restrictions, without any limitations, without any demands.

These days my daily routine consists of about 6 hours of meditation, couple of hours of napping, swimming and then dancing the nights away. I’ve realized that total freedom is to be free of every kind of societal conditioning. Some may call it brain washing and I have to agree. My brain is being washed of all the shit that has been fed to me in the last 30 odd years of my life. Get an education, make money, get married, have kids, blah blah blah! I have allowed myself to fear so much esp. fear ending up alone…a fear that was fed to me by society, by my parents. Out of that fear I married Rick, out of that fear I went out with Ashley, out of that fear I held back. But something deep inside me was always yelling out to break free of that fear. Hence, even though things with Ashley were going beautifully, and even though he was offering me the world at the time, I couldn’t take it. I knew I had to try and figure out the cause of this restlessness. Now, with these meditations, a lot of stuff is coming up. All the mud that had settled to the bottom is getting stirred up. Some days my head is so muddled that I can’t think clearly. But slowly and surely, transformation is beginning. I am realizing so many things…for one how big and how fragile our ego is. It’s so easy for someone to come and tell me how beautiful I am, how I have a beautiful aura about me….it takes so little to stroke my ego. To make me have this lovely opinion of myself and go about my day thinking I am beautiful! At the same time, someone can come and say something not very nice, or not treat me well and my bubble bursts instantly. That’s how we live our lives just a slave to our reactions. Opinions of others is what constitutes our personality. Obviously I enjoy the attention I am getting…and I seem to be getting a lot! It’s all fun but I am not letting it go to my head. I am learning to understand myself, to love myself, to nourish myself.

I’ve been going out with this English guy, Anthony. The same guy I met at the hotel when I first arrived to Pune. He's been living in Pune for almost a year, working for some multinational company. He’d been gone to London for a couple of weeks and asked me out for dinner when he got back. He's been treating me really well, five star living! He's cute, he's funny, and he's rich, he's humble and over all a real gem of a human being. He's as “normal” as you can get according to societal standards. He even said the typical “I’m not a spiritual kind of a guy” bullshit when I first met him. So we first went out for dinner and he told me I’d changed…that I was buzzing with energy and giddy with laughter. He had to have a couple of drinks, he said, to get to my “happy” level! Since then we’ve been out a few times and he even asked me the other night to give him an osho talk cd. LOL! I haven’t tried to “convert” him at all. It’s all because he sees that I am so intensely happy all the time and he wants to know why and how. I know one hour of listening to Osho is going to ignite a thirst in him. Watch out Anthony….

I haven’t watched tv since I got here, no movies, nothing to occupy my mind. The other day Osho was talking about the difference between lonliness and aloneness. What he said about loneliness really resonated with me. He said that loneliness is the most painful emotion a person can feel so he tries to run from it. He makes lots of friends, he goes out drinking, watches tv, joins clubs, drowns his loneliness in music, surfs the net…etc.etc.etc. But he never ever just does nothing. Coz when he’s doing nothing is when he realizes that he doesn’t really know who he is. And that scares him so he runs out again. That’s what I did all my life…so scared I was of being alone. Everywhere I went I made lots of friends, partied lots, went out all the time, drank, smoked weed...anything to run from lonliness. And Osho put it so beautifully…he said that we don’t realize that we don’t need to run anywhere. All we need to do is to close our eyes and go in and then the darkness is over. Aloneness, he said, is the peak of human existence. I enjoy being alone now, just watching the birds, feeling the breeze on my skin, watching my thoughts. It’s beautiful! After my morning “no-mind” meditation, I get so silent inside that I can go to a rock concert and be alone. Nothing can penetrate that blissful silence. There is so much energy inside me these days that I sometimes feel nauseous. My head spins with this energy that is rising inside me and it’s visible. People keep telling me how my skin has become radiant and how it glows. I’ve completely stopped wearing makeup. It doesn’t really go with my maroon robe…lol. All this meditation makes me less hungry and my weight has started to drop. I have never felt more healthy, more happy, more beautiful in my life.

I’m limited by language to express what I am feeling right now. How do you explain the feeling of an orgasm to a person who has never had one? Words aren’t enough! I just want you guys to know that I consider myself to be utterly blessed to have found this beautiful place. I will venture out of here soon…go to north India for the summer months. Dharamsala, land of Dalai Lama, Nepal, then Italy, Greece, maybe Canada sometime in July and then off to Bosnia and Iran. I’ll be visiting a lot of osho centers and other spiritual places. What a way to combine my love for traveling with my love for my inner journey. Life has a beautiful purpose now and I’m flying high.

I finally found my G-spot!

Lol! Yes, once you find your G-spot, you cannot stop the convulsions that spread all over your body. No, I am not talking about my sexual G-spot. Osho calls your G-spot your Giggling Spot. I swear when that gets activated, you just giggle until you have tears in your eyes and your body just goes into convulsions. What can I say about this place. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with the happiness that bubbles through me that I can’t help the tears from pouring down my face. I know it sounds dramatic…but that’s me…and I accept it. I am a drama queen…I go into every emotion completely. Why not? Isn’t that how we are born? A child cries completely when he’s hurt, giggles with his whole body when he’s happy, and it doesn’t take much to stimulate his G-spot. But then the society conditioning comes in as we grow older. Boys don’t cry, girls are too emotional, and so and so forth. We go on suppressing our emotions, go on killing ourselves slowly a day at a time. I know I suppressed a lot of my anger and hurt in the seven years with Rick. Every time he hurt me, he rejected me, he insulted me, I just told myself that it didn’t matter. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing that he hurt me. Over the past two years I thought I had dealt with the anger I felt towards him. But…my god, was I ever wrong. I went for a breathing session day before yesterday. I went in with my societal conditioning of “this is all mumbo jumbo” but I still wanted to give it a try. She made me lie down and told me to take deep breaths. I swear not even 5 breaths in and I could find myself welling up. And the tears turned into sobs, and then before I knew it I was crying like I have never cried before. There was so much pain, I was crying over things that I didn’t even know I had any pain associated with. Things like my abortion 3 years ago. I thought it wasn’t a big deal. I always wondered why women made such a big deal about it. But then I guess I just hadn’t let it register in my consciousness. Ever since I literally cried my heart out, I have not been the same. It’s like I’m high on drugs. Sometimes I get so happy about something trivial and I just find myself dancing. It’s hard to walk coz I just want to skip. I am beginning to know what “real” laughter is, what “real” dancing is…dancing, where you dance like no one is watching you. Where you feel the music in your soul and where you don’t need alcohol to start moving. In fact, my body doesn’t want alcohol any longer. After you experience dancing without alcohol, you never want alcohol to wreck that experience.

Let me tell you about the parties….dj’s from new york, parties like goa except these are without drugs. You can go up to anyone and start dancing. Last nite we had a variety show and it was amazing. People here are so talented…I guess when your heart is open, when you are above self-consciousness, then your talent can really shine. And they are soooooo politically incorrect…I love it. And there is no need to hide it…they just say it out loud. Like kids…no inhibitions. That’s what I’ve come up with. This place is a university where you go to learn how to become kids again. Kindergarten university! That’s my new name for maroon world. I met a really lovely 40 y.o. kid here who made me laugh so much. I think I might be in love with him. But I think I am in love with everyone here. There is a guy, a rock star from Belaruse, who is a singer, a musician, a poet, songwriter….and absolutely gorgeous. He sang a song yesterday that he had written for his brother who passed away. I was really moved and went to tell him and he gave me a big hug. I think I love him too. I love this gorgeous Iranian girl who I met at the bookshop. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys…I am employed now. Finally, I’m part of the work force. I got a job at the bookshop….heaven, I’m in heaven! I meet some real interesting people all day, listen to lovely music, read beautiful books. Couldn’t have asked for a better job. I go for morning meditation from 6-7, work from 9 to 4, then evening meditation from 7 to 8:30 and after that …Party! That’s my life for now seven days a week. No weekends off. So far I love it…lets see what happens later. I am just going with the flow.

Meditation is the key to happiness and an end to misery that we create in our lives. Meditation doesn’t have to be a serious thing…it can be a celebration. For us 21st century people, it’s really hard to sit down silently and meditate. Hence, Osho created dancing meditations, whirling meditation, where you whirl like a kid in a playground. After 45 mins of whirling when you sit down to meditate, you are absolutely silent. It’s blissfull! And this is just the beginning for me. I am ecstatic. Life has purpose now and I am excited to be on this journey.

Ahhh.....the world of Maroon!!!!

So, i've arrived in the land of maroon. The first day in Pune I had to stay in a hotel, so I treated myself to 5 star! Love 5 star after 4 long months of hostels...some too shity to even get one star (I feel your pain Brett). So at this lovely 5 star hotel, I met a man within the first hour of being there. Nice English dude living and working in Pune. We decided to go out dancing and had a ball. He was quite a funny guy and had me laughing the whole night. I even had him unbutton the top 2 buttons on his shirt to look like the other indian men there and to copy their dance moves to the bollywood music. I didn't have to ask him twice. LOL! He was funny but he's gone to London for a couple of weeks but man, he's been texting me 4 times a day. He asked me on a date from London...pasta and wine...I think he likes me...LOL! Me, on the other hand....too busy to like a man right now. I had a great time with him but right now is absolutely "me" time.

So, I arrived at the ashram the next day and got assigned a room, which by the way is quiet nice...a/c and my own bathroom. The ashram has an ambience like I've never seen before. Majority of people here are in their late 20's to late 30's. People from all over the world...syria, macedonia, russia, egypt, africa...u name it, they are here! People who are tired of the shit that the religions, the politicians, the society doles out throughout our lives. People who are questioning the restrictions imposed on us since the day we are born. People who want to find the real happiness. The meditations here are so fun. I didn't think meditating could be fun...every time I've ever tried meditating, I've failed sorely. But here, meditations are celebrations. Dancing meditations...where you are encouraged to completely let go and becoming dancing. Cathartic meditations...where you are allowed to scream, laugh, cry, whatever emotion you've suppressed, as loud as possible. Medititations, that are so physically demanding, that my whole body is sore from it. But, the silence that descends upon you after these meditations...is so blissfull! The early morning meditation starts at 6 am. I attended it today and it was extremely powerful. I danced, I cried, I screamed and after that when I came out of the auditorium, it was so peaceful. There is a huge pond outside the auditorium and there are trees everywhere. The whole environment was resounding with the chirping of birds. There was no desire to talk to anyone, or to look at anyone, just be at peace in the moment.

Maroon robes are beautiful...i got one with spaghetti straps and it can be laced in the back to make it more fitted. It actually looks quite nice. Robes are only required from 9 to 4. In the evening there are beautiful parties. You meet people from all over the world...there's a bar where they sell alochol. You can dance, you drink, you can be free. This place is as far from a cult as possible. A cult teaches you to conform to rules. Here they teach you to break them. A cult teaches you to lose your identity, be uniform, brainwashes you. Here they teach you to lose your mind and express your individuality. I love it...finally surrounded with people who think like me. I don't feel so restless anymore. I don't need to be with people anymore and it's only been 3 days. But, it is hard to be alone. I've had more men approach me here than anywhere else in the world. They are beautiful men, inside and out. The potential is immense...but unfortunately the desire is not there right now. But I know I am in the right place to find the kind of man I would like to be with. A kind of man who doesn't suppress his pain by listening to comedy, a kind of man who is able to juggle his career with his love life, a kind of man who is not jealous or possessive, who can let me be who I am, let me be a woman without judgement, trusting in my love for him. I thank all the men in life up until now for bringing me to such clarity about what I want in a man. No regrets, no more pain....how could there be pain if it led me to this place? I won't be writing my blog too regularly now. I am on this journey and it is very personal. I don't know if I want to share all my experiences. But rest assured that I am happy, I am excited, I am energetic, I am ecstatic! Love you all !!!

One more sleep...

How long have I waited to go to Osho now? I think it's been atleast 2 years. Finally, set out tomorrow morning....early at 6 am. Train to Delhi and then flight to Pune and a rickshaw to the ashram. To the land of maroon! Apparently you can only wear the color maroon while you are on campus...even your bathing suit and work out clothes have to be maroon. Sounds a bit gay...but whatever I can go past the color. I know a lot of people have their reservations about Osho and call it a cult. Some people say it's a place where hippies go to do drugs and have lots of orgies. I've done enough research and so far I've found that there are two good things said for every bad thing. In the end, I have to experience it to really say what it's all about and what this experience does for me. But, for everyone who's worried that I'm gonna get caught up in a cult, all I wanna say is give me some credit. You get the experience you want from a situation. Backpacking can also be a culture of sex and booze and drugs. I did that and survived without any diseases....I guess we'll know after my AIDS test at the ashram...LOL! Yes, for the people who don't know...in order to get accepted in the ashram, everyone has to be tested for AIDS and other STD's!

Oh, by the way, finally got to see Borat, the movie yesterday. Thank God for pirated videos! Laughed so hard my tummy hurt....well worth the wait! My fav was running of the jews! OMG, no wonder he's on the hitlist of so many people.

I will try and keep up my blog updated from the ashram. I know a lot of people wanna know about the orgies there (don't worry John, I won't disappoint you). Love the personal emails from you guys. Brett, you are an inspiration as usual. Spongy, miss you so much. If your rucksack fails to fit, you know I'd love to have you in India anytime. Crazy....can't wait to see you in London. Love our chats and esp love your comments on my blog. Maharani, what can I say...you are such a riot. I miss hearing your "boice" and your hammock stories.

Photo: Spongy, Crazy, Laura, Larissa...I know I've been trying to entice you into coming to visit me in India. Here's yet another reason! I think all four of you are very well qualified for the job posting :)

Still in shock....

Spent the entire day yesterday walking around like a zombie. A day full of tears, restlessness, pain, anxiety and fear! Everytime I close my eyes I see Karam's face! A question that begs to be answered is what is this life for? We live our lives planning so many things, collecting material goods, forming relationships, getting married, having kids and then we all die. We all die!!! Everything we plan is so useless coz what destiny has planned for us, we cannot change. Karam went out to celebrate his friend's new job and

ended up with his skull crushed. He had so many plans for his life...he didn't know that his life was gonna come to screeching halt (pun intended) at 25! So, it really makes me think why we take our lives so seriously. The only fact, the only undeniable fact, is that we are all gonna die. So, why why why do we live our lives not making the most of it every day? Why do we not just go around laughing, playing, enjoying every minute of every day? Why do we harbour bad feelings towards each other? Life is such a drama...a drama where we are actors playing in it but we don't have the script. Why don't we just play our part and not get involved in it?

The last two years have been quite tough for me. I've learned some important life lessons that have helped me with my personal growth. It has been a painful growth but I've realized that the more you go past pain, the more it goes from coal to diamond. I've become a totally different person than I was 2 years ago. Rubal's death triggered the change, Rick's leaving was a catalyst and the change happened very rapidly. Ashley came into my life, offering me the world. The timing was all wrong and my heart was broken. I just couldn't trust...so I lost him as well. They say that things happen in threes. I've lost three people I loved in 2 years. One died, one left coz he needed to explore his options, and the third, well...the third left without saying a word! I've learned to live without people I have loved and am still learning. I've realized that there's no wound that time won't heal. That too is an undeniable fact of life...time heals everything.

Photo: Happier times :)

The phone call...

How many more times would I have to receive a phone call like this in my life...I wonder.

I went to Ludhiana the other day to hang out with my friends Gini and Vineet and a couple of other friends, Loveleen and Karam, visiting from Vancouver. We all decided to meet up in Ludhiana, a city half way between where I live and where Loveleen and Karam were staying. It was so lovely to meet them. We sat at Vineet's house drinking wine while Karam had us cracking up with his jokes. After that we went off to a local pub where this gora started talking to me. He was from the States and was working in Ludhiana for 3 months. He was a total metal guy and infact reminded me of another metal guy I used to know back in Vancouver. I tried to talk to him about music...esp metal and rock, stuff that Ash had introduced me to. It was hillarious how I was talking to him about soundgarden, tool, metallica. I think I really did impress him. LOL! What was even funnier was the waiters in the bar. They kept coming up to me telling me not to talk to that guy coz he wasnt a nice guy. LOL! It was hillarious...my cousin Ankush, and Vineet and Karam all seemed to wanna protect me from this guy. It was a real fun night...laughed so much that my tummy hurt.

That was day before yesterday. This morning, I got a phone call from Vineet informing me that Karam had met with an accident and died! Yes, he is gone...dead! I cannot get my head around it. It's impossible! I still have his pics on my camera...I still remember him telling me we are gonna party in Delhi on Friday. He was only 25! Everything he said that night is echoing in my head. I keep playing it in my head over and over again. It all seems so surreal! 4 guys out for a drive and 3 of them died and one is critical in the hospital. What a waste! At times like these, I find myself asking what is this life for? There are so many joys but every joy seems to come with a great sorrow hiding inside it. I am so tired of saying goodbye. It hurts so bad that I find myself thinking I dont want anyone to come close to me. The more people I have close to me, the more people I'll have to say goodbye to. Since being in Jalandhar, I've really been missing Rubal. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of him. He died almost 2 years ago and every time I come to Jalandhar, it seems like it was just yesterday when we was sitting next to me with his gorgeous smile. At times like this, I wish I would die soon so I dont have to say any more goodbyes.

Karam, I know you said you will never get serious in life and now you dont ever have to. Thanks for the lovely times we shared in Vancouver, and in India. Hope you have lots of biryani and coke in heaven. I love you and miss you.

Peace....has always seemed fleeting, short lived, something I've chased after, something I've yearned...an enigma. Now, this picture speaks to me of peace. Looking at the face of a sleeping baby is pure peace. It is mesmerizing, the look on a baby's face when they are sleeping and the emotion it evokes in your heart. Nothing compares to it.

Had another lovely day with the fam! Spent the entire day lazing around on the verandah soaking up the sun. India is a very funny country...all morning the street vendors go up and down the street selling their wares. Anything from eggs and bread in the morning, to vegetables, to clothes, to spices, to junk food, to books, anything you can think of ....you literally get it at your doorstep. You can never ever get bored in this country.

Off to Ludhiana again this evening to spend time with Gini pig and some other friends from Vancouver who are visiting India right now. Should be a fun time...go to the "gora" bar and see if we can have a chance to go dancing "bollywood" style.

Spent the entire first day in bed…eating, talking, reading, sleeping, just chillin’!!! Next day, it was off to Ludhiana, a city about 1 hour away to see my friend Ginni pig and Vineet. It was so nice to spend the day with them, catching up on old times. After Vineet left us to go play badminton, me and Ginni went to the spa to get some pampering. After an hour long facial, my grandma can proudly say I am presentable again! LOL! In the evening, we went out to the local bar, which by the way was full of goras (white people). I guess it’s the gora season in India…for business and pleasure. It was a lot of fun..had some drinks then spent hours just hanging out at the bar.

Next day, I spent a long time chatting with the girls, just shooting the shit. If there are any pregnant women out there who want a boy, I’ve learned a few tricks. If you have sex only on the odd days, apparently your x hormone is deficient and you end up getting a y…hence a boy! Or, after sex spend the next fifteen minutes staring at your husbands penis and you are surely going to have a boy! And other such lovely tricks. Lemme know if you need a fix for anything and I am sure I will be able to scrounge some remedy for it from India ;) Speaking of remedies, my mom and my aunt dragged me to see a pundit (a guy who is a spiritual leader/psychic/fortune teller). Apparently I am going through a very rough phase in my life right now where I don’t know what I am going to do with my life, and I am just drifting and seeking. This phase is going to end in Apr. After August a new phase is going to begin, where I am going to meet a lovely man and get married and my career (something in management) is going to take off. Then by the year after that I am going to have a kid. Hmm….all sounds really good especially coz now my mom and my grandma and the rest of my family is off my case to get married. I have to say though that the dude was dead on about my past. Said some pretty accurate things about my past life, and even present. So, if what he said is gonna come true, I am supposed to lead a very charmed life. Keeping my fingers crossed!

CAIO SUD AMERICA, NAMASTE INDIA !!!!

So, after a long 17 hours in transit for a flight that should have taken me from Quito to Caracas in 3 hours, I arrived in Caracas at 11:00 pm. Got to my hotel, which was pure luxury compared to some of the shit holes we stayed in. This was to be my last nite in South America. I left the MTV channel on all nite so I could absorb every bit of Spanish music while I was there. On the flight from Panama city to Caracas, I met this lovely man who invited me to stay with him and his wife instead of going to the hotel. He said if I ever came to Caracas again, I was to think of his home as my own! Loved the people in this beautiful continent…always ready with a smile, and a Buenos dias, and a como estas. Then, from Caracas to Frankfurt, a 9 hour flight, I sat next to a German man, who didn’t even say hi to me the entire time. Had 5 hours to kill in Frankfurt so I decided to go out for a little bit of a walk to get some air. I walked out of the airport, and literally turned around and walked back in! I had forgotten what cold feels like. OMG!!! I don’t think my body is capable of dealing with low temperatures any longer.

After a mai tai and a caipirinhia in the lounge, I stumbled over to the boarding gate to make my way to New Delhi. This time again, I sat with a lady who didn’t even say hi. FINE BY ME!!! Arrived in India and my first interaction with an Indian was with the immigration officer. He looked at my passport, and then looked at me a few times. Then asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was a pharmacist which obviously led him to ask me how much I made every month. I was a bit shocked about the personal question and then I remembered I am in India. There is nothing personal here. So, the next question was if I was married…and I told him..been there done that. He was genuinely concerned and asked me why it didn’t work out and if I had married a foreigner! Before I left the counter, he told me that I was lovely and would have no problem finding a man. Phew! Thank God, now I can go on with my life! LOL! Ahh....third world!!! People are so much warmer, friendlier, more interesting and absolutely CRAZY!

My cousin had come to receive me at the airport and I kept him awake until 4 am talking. Thanks to jet lag! After spending the day in Delhi, shopping for clothes that would not give my grandma a heartattack…”decent clothes” they call them here. Means anything that is unflattering, shapeless, non cleavage revealing and I don’t have anything like that in my backpack! Finally after a 5 hour train journey, we arrived in Jalandhar, my hometown, and there were about 20 people to see me. Everyone’s reaction…OMG, what happened to you? You are so dark, so skinny! My grandma literally had tears in her eyes from pity for me. “Oh my poor daughter”, she said, “You’ve been drifting around the world, with nothing to eat, carrying such a heavy back pack.” Not to worry though, coz she’s told me once I drink milk and eat yogurt, I will lose my tan and get my color back. Such drama queens! It’s absolutely hilarious. So, we all sat in my granny’s room and ofcourse within 15 minutes we were talking about finding me a man. Everyone had their two cents to put in…so far, they are going to put an ad in the newspaper in the matrimonial section to find me a man, spread the word to all the relatives that I am single, get me back to a fair and lovely color. All this in one night. I knew there was a reason why I loved my family so much. Can you imagine me having an arranged marriage? That in itself is a joke! I love them so much. My friends have all been calling and coming over to visit. I am only here for 10 days and so they want to make the best use of me…i.e. party! I am an excuse for everyone to get together and go dancing coz they know I love to party. LOL! I am all partied out at the moment and just need some time to detoxify and recuperate before I go to Osho ashram. Heard there’s a party there every evening. Anyway, I can ramble on…so off I go for now!

Restless in Quito

God, what a day I´ve had! Last nite at about 7 pm, I decided to print out my eticket for my flight today. As I held it in my hand, I read and reread to make sure what my eyes were seeing was true. The fucking ticket was from Lima to Caracas instead of Quito to Caracas. I couldn´t believe my stupid travel agent made such a huge mistake. Last minute I was frantically searching for a ticket on the internet and finally got one for this morning, leaving Quito at 7:40am. Arrived at the airport promptly at 5:40 am exactly 2 hours before the flight. To my surprise, the ticket agent upgraded me to first class and that meant I had access to the lounge. I thought to myself, hey all´s well that ends well! But that was not to be! When I went to the check in gate at boarding time, I was informed that the airport was shut down due to bad weather. All the flights were delayed and apparently mine was cancelled. So, now we had to make our way back to the check in counter and try and get on a different flight. My problem is that I have to get to Caracas tonight in order to make the connection for India and that is tomorrow evening. I begged and pleaded with the ticket agent and he booked me on a flight leaving at 3:30pm and arriving Caracas at 10:30pm. I even had the balls to ask him to upgrade me to first class if possible. I thought since I have nowhere else to go in Quito, I´d just stay at the airport and enjoy the lounge. But alas, first class was full!!! However, I decided to give my luck a try and just walked back to the lounge. The girls at the counter recognized me and I smiled at them and said "I´m back"!! They smiled back and forgot to check my boarding pass. So, I sit here now in the first class lounge writing my blog :) Not bad, eh? But still, I am bored out of my tree! 3 more hours to go. I guess I´ll go and find something to eat and maybe some vino to sip!

Galapagoz or Paradise????

If I`ve ever made a decision that I have been so happy about it would have to be to change my plans and go to Galapagoz. I knew it would be a great ending to my trip but I was not prepared for what Galapagoz had in store for me. How does one comprehend something so beautiful, so perfect, so ideal?!? Galapagoz is what mother nature intended our planet to be like...air so clean that you can feel your lungs thanking you, water so clear that you can see to the bottom of the sea from your boat, animals so tame that they come within inches of you without any fear, skies so clear that you can see all the stars in the milky way! Wow, there is definitely no place like Galapagoz on this planet and I am so grateful that I got the opportunity to explore it, experience it!

So, we arrived on the gorgeous island of Baltra after a 2 hour flight. Took a dingy to our boat, our home for the next 8 days. Met the crew, the guide and the rest of the group. Our daily schedule included waking up at 6 am and going for our first exploration of the day. Mostly it was a wet landing, which meant jumping off the dingy while the waves crashed on you so you got soaking wet. Then our lovely guide, Edwin, would take us around the island pointing out all the animals and birds along the way. It`s unbelievable how tame the animals are in Galapagoz. If you are swimming, they`ll come right up to you and swim right next to you. I saw lots of sea lions, iguanas, turtles and loads of birds. My favourite birds were the boobies. Yes, that`s the name...blue footed boobies. I bought a t-shirt that says I love boobies!! There are a lot of species of animals and birds that are only found in Galapagoz and nowhere else on the planet. After the walk the first day, we had a chance to go snorkeling. I had never snorkelled before so I decided to give it a try but wanted to stay right by the shore. Edwin urged me to come along with him and promised he would hold my hand through the whole thing. So, I agreed and let him lead me into the water. The first time I put my face in the water, I was awestruck! I had never seen anything like this before. I`ve swum in the ocean many times but just stayed on the surface not even thinking about what`s underneath the surface. It was like a whole different world down there. I felt like I was flying and watching thousands of fish swimming around me. It was amazing! I saw sea turtles casually flapping, rolling about me. I was really starting to enjoy it and then Edwin pointed at something and when I looked I was startled to see a shark! My first instinct was to take my face out of the water and not look at it. I mean, it was a fucking shark and it was swimming merely a few feet away from me. Granted it was a small (about 2 ft long) reef shark but still!! But I stayed put but held on to Edwin`s hand real tight. As we were coming out of the water, right along the shore, we spotted a sting ray. I swam right on top of it, thinking the whole time about Steve Irwin!! I was in seventh heaven, so pleased that I had been exposed to a whole new world and couldnt wait to go snorkelling again. In the afternoon, after lunch, we got free time or siesta time. We sat on the deck, reading, drinking beer, just watching our surroundings. In the evenings we had another exploration. Walked around and got educated on more birds and animals. In the evenings, we sat at the deck, drinking wine, socializing, dancing. After dinner it would be time to sit on the deck chairs and watch the stars. I swear you have never seen so many stars in your life. Not only because there are absolutely no lights for miles and miles, but also we were right at the equator. That meant that we could see the constellations of both the northern and the southern hemisphere. We`d just lay there quietly and stare at the stars, with the lovely breeze, sound of fish jumping around in the water, sea lions splashing about. I have never in my life felt so much at peace. There are very few times in your life when you are in the moment and you know there isn`t another place you`d rather be. I felt like that the entire time I was in Galapagoz.

The biggest excitement of the whole trip was the day we were to go snorkelling around Devil`s crown. Apparently, it`s the best place to spot hammerhead sharks. Hammerheads are known to be around 9 to 10 meters long i.e. around 10 to 15 ft!! And this time it was going to be deep sea snorkelling, which meant we had to jump out of the dingy instead of swimming in from the shore. So, we took the dingy to the spot where we were supposed to jump in the water. It was quite choppy and our guide said to us that it would be advisable to jump in that spot only if you were a strong swimmer and comfortable snorkelling. I was quite nervous and looking for an excuse not to jump in the water that most likely had schools of sharks in it. One of the guys on our trip was a real shark enthusiast and we`d nicknamed him shark boy. He was the first one to jump in. He came up from the water and told me to jump in coz he said I was in for a treat. He promised me he wouldnt leave my side the whole time. Now, I`ve noticed that when I am faced with a situation where I am really scared, my mind just goes numb. It`s like my body just takes over and I have no control. That`s what happened. I put on my mask and just jumped into deep sea which was likely full of sharks! WOW! I still can`t get over it. I was capable of doing that!?!?! And what a treat it was. I could see right to the bottom of the sea...about 30 meters down. And there they were...sharks...about 10 or 15 Galapagoz sharks all about 9 to 10 ft long. I saw them and I wasn`t scared. I just watched them, fascinated at the grace with which they swim, fascinated at the knowledge that I was in the water with these gorgeous creatures. I have never seen so many fish in my life. All colors, thousands and thousands of them. We, however, didnt see any hammerheads, which was a bit of a disappointment, but a part of me was also a bit relieved.

Now lemme tell you about life on the boat. On the first day, during lunch we were served juice that no one could figure out what it was. I said it was probably guava juice. That reminded me how much I missed being called guava. No one had called me Ria in a long time. I told some people at my table how my group had nicknamed me guava and they really thought it was quite a good name for me. And so it began....i was being called guava again. The crew on board loved me. They waited on me hand and foot. It was great! I was the only vegetarian and man did the cook look after me. He would make these lovely concoctions and present it so beautifully for me. And then bring it to me personally. It was quite funny really. The crew, all latino men, started calling me guavita, which means little guava. It was so cute! The only other time I`ve been treated so well was in Goa when Ash and me stayed in Palolem. My cabin was cleaned twice a day, and they left little treats for me. Then Louis, our first mate, started calling me morenita, which means a little brown girl. This got changed to negrita i.e. little black girl as I progressively got darker and darker. The first time I saw a shark in the water, I panicked a bit and wanted to get out of the water and into the dingy. Louis was driving the dingy at the time and since that day he started making fun of me, telling everyone how I panicked! And one day, as he was yet again laughing at me, I told him that I`d never seen him swimming with sharks and then I went on to make the biggest mistake of my life. I called him a chicken!!! Calling a latino man chicken is apparently a big deal! It was on now! He told me that he was gonna get me when I least expected it. So, on the last nite, we were having a party on the deck. Everyone was drinking, and dancing. Then the captain and Louise came up to me and picked me up. They started carrying me down the stairs to the bottom of the boat. I knew then they were gonna throw me into the water. I started screaming, really kicking up a storm. So the captain backed off and lemme go. But Louise, put me on his shoulder and carried me down and jumped into the water with me!!! It was hillarious! I came out of the water, everyone was laughing. So, I told him that he was still a chicken. Well, I guess I asked for it coz before I knew it, I was being thrown in the water again. LOL!!

It was really hard saying goodbye to everyone. But here I am again, in Quito. My last nite here. Tomorrow I fly to Crackass...I mean Caracas, Venezuela. From Caracas I will fly to India. Can`t believe it`s all come to an end. Loved every minute of it but man I cant wait to be in India now. I cant wait to go.