I finally found my G-spot!

Lol! Yes, once you find your G-spot, you cannot stop the convulsions that spread all over your body. No, I am not talking about my sexual G-spot. Osho calls your G-spot your Giggling Spot. I swear when that gets activated, you just giggle until you have tears in your eyes and your body just goes into convulsions. What can I say about this place. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with the happiness that bubbles through me that I can’t help the tears from pouring down my face. I know it sounds dramatic…but that’s me…and I accept it. I am a drama queen…I go into every emotion completely. Why not? Isn’t that how we are born? A child cries completely when he’s hurt, giggles with his whole body when he’s happy, and it doesn’t take much to stimulate his G-spot. But then the society conditioning comes in as we grow older. Boys don’t cry, girls are too emotional, and so and so forth. We go on suppressing our emotions, go on killing ourselves slowly a day at a time. I know I suppressed a lot of my anger and hurt in the seven years with Rick. Every time he hurt me, he rejected me, he insulted me, I just told myself that it didn’t matter. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing that he hurt me. Over the past two years I thought I had dealt with the anger I felt towards him. But…my god, was I ever wrong. I went for a breathing session day before yesterday. I went in with my societal conditioning of “this is all mumbo jumbo” but I still wanted to give it a try. She made me lie down and told me to take deep breaths. I swear not even 5 breaths in and I could find myself welling up. And the tears turned into sobs, and then before I knew it I was crying like I have never cried before. There was so much pain, I was crying over things that I didn’t even know I had any pain associated with. Things like my abortion 3 years ago. I thought it wasn’t a big deal. I always wondered why women made such a big deal about it. But then I guess I just hadn’t let it register in my consciousness. Ever since I literally cried my heart out, I have not been the same. It’s like I’m high on drugs. Sometimes I get so happy about something trivial and I just find myself dancing. It’s hard to walk coz I just want to skip. I am beginning to know what “real” laughter is, what “real” dancing is…dancing, where you dance like no one is watching you. Where you feel the music in your soul and where you don’t need alcohol to start moving. In fact, my body doesn’t want alcohol any longer. After you experience dancing without alcohol, you never want alcohol to wreck that experience.

Let me tell you about the parties….dj’s from new york, parties like goa except these are without drugs. You can go up to anyone and start dancing. Last nite we had a variety show and it was amazing. People here are so talented…I guess when your heart is open, when you are above self-consciousness, then your talent can really shine. And they are soooooo politically incorrect…I love it. And there is no need to hide it…they just say it out loud. Like kids…no inhibitions. That’s what I’ve come up with. This place is a university where you go to learn how to become kids again. Kindergarten university! That’s my new name for maroon world. I met a really lovely 40 y.o. kid here who made me laugh so much. I think I might be in love with him. But I think I am in love with everyone here. There is a guy, a rock star from Belaruse, who is a singer, a musician, a poet, songwriter….and absolutely gorgeous. He sang a song yesterday that he had written for his brother who passed away. I was really moved and went to tell him and he gave me a big hug. I think I love him too. I love this gorgeous Iranian girl who I met at the bookshop. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys…I am employed now. Finally, I’m part of the work force. I got a job at the bookshop….heaven, I’m in heaven! I meet some real interesting people all day, listen to lovely music, read beautiful books. Couldn’t have asked for a better job. I go for morning meditation from 6-7, work from 9 to 4, then evening meditation from 7 to 8:30 and after that …Party! That’s my life for now seven days a week. No weekends off. So far I love it…lets see what happens later. I am just going with the flow.

Meditation is the key to happiness and an end to misery that we create in our lives. Meditation doesn’t have to be a serious thing…it can be a celebration. For us 21st century people, it’s really hard to sit down silently and meditate. Hence, Osho created dancing meditations, whirling meditation, where you whirl like a kid in a playground. After 45 mins of whirling when you sit down to meditate, you are absolutely silent. It’s blissfull! And this is just the beginning for me. I am ecstatic. Life has purpose now and I am excited to be on this journey.