2 months today!?!?! Wow, two of the most eventful, adventurous, tumultuous months of my life. Seeing new places, meeting new people, experiencing new things, finding some peace somewhere. Rio to Buenos Aires was a very different leg of the tour. It was more about partying, drinking, and all that shit. We went from one city to the next, with not much physical activity other than getting drunk and going out dancing. Waking up every morning with a hangover, dragging myself through the day checking out city sights. Uruguay was beautiful...especially Montevideo. But the whole trip was leading up to Buenos Aires for me. I couldn`t shake the feeling that something was gonna happen there. That my trip will change from there on. We took a boat from Colonia, Uruguay to Buenos Aires, Argentina. As we were sailing into the port, I felt electrified by the energy of the city. It is such a beautiful city, aptly named Paris of South America. Gorgeous buildings, electric energy and finally have to say gorgeous men!!! I haven`t seen so many gorgeous men in one place and they let u know if they find u attractive. I loved the energy of the city as much as I loved the energy of New York.

I met Larissa`s friend, Brett in Buenos Aires. He has been living in BA teaching english and learning spanish for about a year now. I spent a lot of time hanging out with him. He showed me all the sights in BA, made me eat empanadas (argentian samosas), drink mate (argentenian version of tea), but most of all he was there for me when I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Yes, I had a total meltdown in BA. Went out partying in BA, drank a lot of redbull and partied like a crazy woman until 7:30 in the morning. Next morning, however, I was a complete mess. I have never felt so much anxiety and restlessness in my life. I was shaky (probably due to the fact that I drank 3 redbulls in one night), i was tired from the lack of sleep. We had to check out of our rooms at 9 am so I got back to the hotel at 8 am, showered and went to check out. Thankfully our tour leader arranged for one room where we could leave our bags coz our bus didnt leave until 7 pm. I was really tired and tried to get some sleep but it was absolutely impossible. My mind was going crazy, thousand thoughts a minute, but my body was soooooo tired. I lay there until 2 coz I was going to see Brett for lunch. We went out to eat at this cafe and he was saying something to me but I felt like I couldn`t focus on anything. I needed a valium to get rid of this anxiety and he happened to have some at his house. We went over to his place and I had my first experience of valium. I have to say it`s a wonder drug...how I came back from this state of anxiety, where I felt like if I gave in to it, I wouldn`t return. It`s hard to explain, but i felt like if I shed one tear, then I wouldn`t be able to stop crying ever!! Brett was very kind and patient with me, listened to me, held me when I cried. Such a gentle, kind human being! We went out for sushi after and he was looking at the menu to figure out what kind of vegetarian options they had for me. I dont know what I was thinking, maybe it was the valium speaking, but I told him I wanted to eat sushi. And I absolutely loved it! I cant believe I`ve lived in Vancouver for so long and not ever wanted to experience sushi. No more, I am definitely converted!

Since BA, the restlessness hasn`t really gone away. Me and Brett spent a long time talking about life and he asked me a lot of probing questions about my life. He helped me bring out a lot of shit that I had buried inside (I think, Brett, it`s time u quit ur teaching job and become a full time psychologist). Now that all the fears have surfaced, I am suddenly faced with them. The problem is, I am overwhelmed by all of this information and I cant hide from the reality of itany longer. I feel like the last year of my life has been so tough and I fought hard to stay afloat. I fought with every last ounce of my strength. Now, I don`t have the resources to fight any more. I am finding it really hard now to enjoy anything. I have been hanging out by myself a lot, away from the group. I havent talked to anyone lately, my parents, my family, my friends. I have broken up with Ashley...he doesnt need to be a part of my messy life. Everything is just messy right now. Thank God for valium, but I am scared of getting hooked on it. The feeling of calmness it brings is addictive but when the effect wears off, it starts again. The feeling of restlessness, the questions pop up again one at a time, until I cant deal with them any more. I might have to throw in the towel and quit my trip if this feeling continues. The only place I find any peace is in nature. Yesterday, I went for a hike by myself and it was beautiful. When u r in the mountains, with no one around, when u can hear the fluttering of butterfly wings, its not very hard to be at peace. Today, I went for a long walk by this beautiful lake and just sat on the rocks listening to the waves, watching the birds. That brings me peace. I think that`s what I need to do for now. Find joy in little things every day and slowly inch my way out of this sadness. If I dont write for a while, I think you all will understand. Thanks for ur support and love.

I can´t believe I am done with Brazil. 45 days in this country sounded so long but went by so fast. We did end it with a bang though at Iguassu Falls. What a site!!! We walked right up to Devil´s throat...and stuck our tongues in it...LOL! But yeah, we went right to the mouth of the biggest falls and it was such and intense experience! I was moved to tears. Just being in a place like that..nature at it´s best, u feel so tiny, so small, so insignificant! I love the fact that I am getting the opportunity to see such amazing places.

Went to Paraguay yesterday to shop for some cheap electronics. Its about a 15 min walk over the bridge from Brazil. I had to sneak in illegaly coz I needed a visa to get in. We were there for about 2 hours and I bought two bottles of wine for $5...two bottles of Chilean wine Santa Helena!!! Wow, what is my life coming to...risking so much for a cheap bottle of wine! Lemme tell u I really enjoyed every sip of that wine.

Last nite was a real fun nite out. We wanted to go out dancing but apparently it was tuesday and no one goes dancing here on tues nite. Well, bollocks to that!!! So we had to make do with going out drinking. After a couple of real strong gin and tonics, we started playing real fun games. Games which involved us talking about our craziest sex escapades and more!!! This could have only led to one thing...more drinking!!! We laughed, we drank, I finally got a kiss on my mouth (even though it was only from Kirsty). We convinced Marissa to extend her trip to Santiago, not that Ms. Spongebob Squarepants needed much convincing! But we are all really happy she is coming with us all the way to Santiago. All in all it was a very fun girls nite out! But we paid dearly for it all day today. Jen, the cutie pututie, was whining all day today about how hung over she was. She is such a cutie. I asked her to talk dirty to me last nite and she said the word `bottom`. How very English of her!!!

Now we are about to leave on a nite bus to Uruguay, where we have been told thermal spas await us!! AHHHHHHH...life is tough sometimes, isnt it! I will post masterpieces from last nite next time I get on the computer. Gotta run now amigos.

WOW! Its been a while since I last posted anything. I´ve been constantly on the move lately. So much to see and so little time. Rio was unbelievable! One of the most gorgeous big cities I have ever seen. I expected it to be a lot dirtier than it is. We flew into Rio on a red eye and were informed that we only have 2 days to do Rio. Got to our hotel and took a bit of a nap and booked ourself on the gringo tour. First on the tour was a soccer game. It was a very important intercity soccer game and so us gringos (if u can consider my black ass that) were herded over to the stadium. It was the craziest sport I´ve ever watched. It was like going to a concert coz we were dancing, jumping, screaming the entire time. We met so many locals and other gringos, drank beers and screamed our heads off. It was a riot when our team scored the final victory goal. INSANITY!

After the soccer match, we were to go to a party that nite. We were picked up at 10 pm and were to be brought back at 4 am. Me and Kirsty were really looking forward to this party coz we hadnt really met other gringos in a while. Thought it would be fun to finally dance and drink with some english speaking people. But the party was absolutely disgusting. It was such a meat market....vegas x 100!!!! Basically, the whole idea of the party was to hook up the gringos with the locals. The Brazilian women are undoubtedly very beautiful and VERY EASY. The ugliest gringo man can go up to the most gorgeous latino woman and snog her before even asking her name and its quite alright. Same with men. Beautiful men, gorgeous bods, with their shirts off, glistening with sweat, will grab u and try and kiss u before they say a single word. And why would they need to when most of the gringo women were quite happy with them sticking their tongues their throats. At the end of the party, we got a T-shirt saying `Dont be a gringo, be a local`. I think it should have read `Be a gringo, do a local`. That would´ve been more apt way to describe the party.

So, we arrived back at our hotel at about 5 am and next morning we were picked up at 9:30 for a tour of the favela. Now, this was the best part of Rio. People in the favela were super friendly, smiling, welcoming and the favela was surprisingly clean. It was a very happy place and had an amazing energy about it.

Now, that nite was the my last nite with Kirsty and I was to meet the people on my next group. There are 7 people on this tour from Rio to Buenos Aires...6 women and one man. 4 out of 6 girls are going around the world solo. I had pretty much decided to put my plans on hold for further travel. But, looks like I have a very strong indication that I am going to keep going. Every day is different. Every day I meet new people. Every day I get new ideas. Every day is new. Life is good. I do sometimes miss my family but then I call them. THe other day I called and they put me on speaker phone and it felt like I was physically there and now I feel recharged and refreshed. I am finding it hard to keep my blog going now. THere is so much going on that its hard to document...went for a long 7 hour hike, was stuck in another storm in a boat, went on a 10 hour booze cruise, was on a 21 hour bus journey, and all of this in the last four days. Wow, what an adventure. Gotta keep it going till I cant do it any more. Goodbye Brazil, hello Uruguay!!!